I am reading a book right now called "Hundred Dollar Holiday" by Bill McKibben. It is very short and an easy read, but poses some important questions about the way we celebrate Christmas in America, why we do so and what we are really getting out of it.
The author provides some historical background to the American celebration of Christmas. In a nutshell, Christmas in the US began as one of the only times during the year that the poor (which was almost everyone) were given rich foods, fresh beer, extra money, gifts, and a day free of work from their wealthy bosses. In the 1700's and 1800's, when many of our holiday traditions originated, these types of indulgences were a once-a-year occurrence, which made the excesses of the holiday season exciting, unusual, unique and joyful.
But the author goes on to say, in America today, every day is a day of plentiful indulgence. For the most part (I know this is not true for everyone in all cases), we can eat whatever we want, whenever we want it. We can buy whatever we want without waiting. The average home size has more than doubled since 1950 and we still don't have enough room for all of our things. So getting stuff and eating too much are no longer a novelty. Excess is no longer exciting. Each Christmas we have to buy more and bigger things, and indulge in more and more food, just for it to feel different from any other day. But in the end, does it satisfy? Without even going into the Christian meaning of the holiday, does receiving another sweater, another video game, another blinking flashing toy, another DVD, another anything, really give you the Christmas experience that you are looking for? Do you feel better after the holidays, or do you feel like you spent too much, ate too much, and ended up feeling blue when nothing met your expectations?
The author's theory is that we as a society (again, for the most part) have plenty of money and plenty of things. Unlike 100 or 200 years ago, the real gift in America today is the gift of time. Time is now the thing we don't have, that we desperately want. Time by ourselves, time with our kids, time for a date with our husbands, time with our parents, time to just think and be and remember why we care about these people in the first place. Time to remember how pleasant it is to hear your dad's stories or your best friend's jokes or watch a movie together or sit quietly and enjoy the silence together. Giving and receiving the gift of time to and from each other will leave us feeling refreshed, fulfilled and confident that we have captured the "true meaning" of Christmas in America. The premise of Hundred Dollar Holiday is that, if we give the thing that our loved ones really want for Christmas this year, we will give them our time.
The author of this book suggests that the best gifts we can give are experiential ones. For example, a book of coupons for free babysitting. A "date" with each of your children to do different things. An afternoon of baking together. Dinner and a movie. Meeting for coffee once per week for a month. You get the idea.
As simple as this sounds, going up against the Christmas machine and the years-long traditions of our families is akin to David battling Goliath. As we shop for gifts I do my mental calculations about whether I've spent enough, whether this gift will look cheap or if I've put enough thought into it. Somehow the material thing morphs into a subliminal message about how much you love the recipient. Isn't this so unfair, to do this to ourselves?
The advertising we are bombarded with during the holidays really drives the message home. Husbands, if you don't buy your wives an expensive piece of jewelry for Christmas, you are an oaf. Parents, if your kids don't get every video game known to man, they will know for sure how lame you really are. The truth is, every parenting book I have ever read says that what your kids really want is you. And how does a ring or necklace bring me closer to my husband?
To make this work I think that everyone in the family would have to be on board, otherwise there would be frustration and hurt feelings. It would be difficult to receive expensive gifts from family members, and then give a very inexpensive gift in return. Perhaps this is a personal struggle that others don't share. Since childhood I have always enjoyed a very gift-centric Christmas. There are expectations set in each one of us about how many gifts there should be under the tree and how much they should cost, and this is not something a single family member can change for the group. Perhaps some subtle changes can be made, slowly over several years, or perhaps the group as a whole can decide together with one conversation that next year, we'll draw names, or put a limit on how much to spend, or not spend anything at all. (Is that possible!?!?)
I have already mentioned in a previous post the wonderful Christmas planner I bought myself this year. The purpose of this planner is to get to the week of Christmas and have nothing to do except enjoy your family and friends. By getting the "stuff" of Christmas out of the way early, we can bless ourselves with the real gift that our modern American society is so desperate for when Christmas finally arrives.
paper-scissors together. I love this photo for two reasons: one, Lucy is laughing and smiling so much, and two, Thomas is trying to eat the pies in the background. 
paper-scissors together. I love this photo for two reasons: one, Lucy is laughing and smiling so much, and two, Thomas is trying to eat the pies in the background. 
